How to cope up with the loss of a loved one
Since the death of our mother, we have been closly checking on each other in the family and see how we're coping up with her loss. We noticed common experiences that we believe are signs of her "presence".
During her ninth day, when we went to the cemetery and prayed the rosary, a beautiful white butterfly came flying by. But instead of passing us, it encircled us, then went to the flowers we placed in her grave. Then it left most peacefully. My sister immediately said, "Nanay, hello ..." We were are thankful for that presence.
Another was when Ate and I were talking on the phone. She was in Chicago and I was in L.A. Then she started to smell sampaguita flowers. She immediately uttered, "Nanay, we love you." I thought, "Why only her? Why not me?" Then I started to breathe deeply, when I smelled what I thought was the sweetest bouquet of roses. That was nanay assuring us that she was simultaneously with us.
Another was nanay's presence in dreams. The most significant was when Ting, being half-asleep, thought that somebody went out of the room one night. Then she saw nanay coming closer to her and saying to her, "Let's pray" before her woke up. Nanay was in the dream.
A way to cope up with the loss of a loved one is always to share stories about her, both past and present. The stories always contain feelings that need to come out, especially feelings of love, longing, pain, and acceptance. In this way, we learn to live to the present and carry the past and make it a part of our lives.
Another big help in coping up is prayer. Offer her constantly to the Lord; never forget that every prayer is not wasted. Prayer also enables us to resign everything to the Lord who is presently taking care of nanay. He heals our memories and consoles us in our periods of sadness.
Another advise would be to stay in touch with your feelings. Except in cases of deep pain that causes depression, just letting the feeling out is enough. In the five stages of denial, anger, compromise, depression and acceptance, feelings help us to monitor where we are in the process of coping with the loss. Just know what stage you are in until you feel you have reached the stage of acceptance.
Finally, it pays to finally know the meaning behind all this loss. God has a reason for everyone who is left behind. What is the message of her death in your life? Most probably, nanay's death calls us to be better persons, realizing what is essential in this world, and to treasure the good she did on earth.
Comments
Losing a loved one could be a heartwrenching experience to anyone.Every person has different ways of coping with the pain of loss.
But there is a reason for everything.It could be a blessing in disguise.God created our world to be a perfect place for all of us so we could all enjoy His goodness and love for us.Every day of our life could be perfect the way God planned it to be and yet it is our free will to choose bet. doing God's will or giving in to the lures of this material world that make the difference on how we could cope with life's realities.
When we choose to do good,we continue to allow God's blessings to pour on us and yet if we choose to do otherwise,we hinder God's love to flow and thus we experience frustrations,anger,depression,pain,sufferings.Our free will is God's ultimate love for us.
Let me share with you a story of a 3 year old boy who died of leukemia.Prior to his death,his family esp. the parents(who are both very religious and devout Catholics) together with the whole community prayed and keep vigil so that the boy will recover and heal from his cancer.The parents were very confident that God will heal their little boy and that He will not take him away from them.But despite all the prayers,the boy still died.It devastated the whole family and the community and they were very mad and questioned God,why He took this little boy's life.
One night,God appeared in his mother's dream and He was telling her this."Didn't you ask Me to heal this boy of his pain and suffering?Didn't you ask Me to let this boy live?I answered all your prayers."The mother was dumbfounded as she realize that indeed God answered their prayers for the boy is now in a better place with God, free of all the pains and sufferings that his deteriorated body has done to him.The only difference is the place where he is now for he may not be physically present for them to feel his presence, but his memory will live in their hearts and minds forever.
We are all naked when we came out of this world and we will all leave naked when we depart devoid of any earthly possessions we acquired in our lifetime,devoid of any loved ones,friends and family.We will only bring with us our soul and the kind of life that we lived.
And so in coping with a loss of a loved one it is important to offer everything to God's will and just reminisce the good memories that made that loved one once a part of us.Death is just a passageway to life.We need to die in order to live and it is in dying from our old self that we are given new life.
heto para sa nanay ko..
NOONG buhay si Mommy at KUNG buhay si MOMMY
(If and When Mommy is ALIVE!)
Noong buhay si Mommy …
* Gigising yun nang madilim pa, at lalakad na para sumimba; pagbalik, magluluto at maghahain ng almusal, tatawagin ang mga anak at ibibilin ang mga gawain bago pumasok sa opisina; paguwi, magbibihis at dadalo sa block rosary, tapos luto at hain ulit; Tapos ipapasara na ang TV at magrorosaryo naman kasama ang pamilya. Bago matulog, maglalaba o may gagawin para sa opisina o bahay.
* Kakausapin ka habang nakahiga na kayo sa kama tungkol sa mga gusto niyang sabihin sa iyo. Papayuhan ka sa mga problema mo, yayakapin at hahalikan ka pagkatapos. Pag may tampo, kilitiin mo lang ‘yun, okay na kayo ulit.
* Ipagluluto ka kung ano ang gusto mo. Ibibigay kahit na huling pera na niya sa kwarto-moneda. Aalagaan ka kapag may sakit ka. Ipagmamalaki kang palagi sa kanyang mga kaibigan. Aayusin ang buhok mo at ang damit mo bago ka umalis.
* Lagi yung pusturyosa pag lalabas. May pulbos at lipstick. May bag at sapatos. Parang may pera, wala naman. Ipapasara niya ang kanyang zipper sa likod kasi hirap siya na itaas iyon. Patitingnan kung pantay ang eyebrow, lipstick at polbo niya.
* Pag nadinig mo na ang “bwikil” at “damongkol” galit na ‘yun! Galit yun pag nagma-madjong kami at wala nang nagagawa sa bahay (kasi di siya marunong). Gusto lang niya pares-pares.
* Panglaban ang leche plan niya, may dayap. Kami ang tagapiga ng gatas at itlog sa malinis na kamiseta. Hinahanap rin ang kanyang home made ice cream. Kami ang taga-ikot ng ice-cream maker na nakabaon sa yelo na may asin.
* Lutong-patis, Lengua, nilaga at sinigang sa gabing malapot ang lagi kong request sa kanya. The best siya sa kusina.
* Magdadasal yun nang nakaupo sa kama bago matulog; at sa kama pa rin paggising bago bumaba. Minsan, magigisnan mo siya na nagdadasal sa madaling araw.
* Siya ang laging babangon kahit anong pagod pa, para buksan ka ng pintuan sa gabi o madaling araw pag uwi mo. Makikipag-kwentuhan pa sa iyo yun kahit antok na.
Kung buhay si Mommy . . .
* Matutuwa siya kasi heto na tayo ngayon. Malalaki na at may mga kanya-kanya ng landas ng pamumuhay. Matutuwa siya sa kanyang mga apo at apo sa tuhod.
* Mas matutuwa siya kung ang ilan man lang sa kanyang mga ginintuang payo noon at mga halimbawang iniwan ay ating pananatilihing sinusunod at isinasabuhay.
* Malulubos ang kanyang tuwa kung ngayon ay maipagmamalaki pa rin niya tayo kasi nagpapasya tayo ng tama at malapit sa Diyos at sa isa’t isa. Kung masasabi ng mga tao sa atin na, “Anak ka nga ni Nenang Beley, kasi mabait ka!”